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Seeds Don't Produce Overnight

parenting patience Oct 05, 2018

Have you ever wished your child would just listen to you?

 

Have you ever thought, how many times do I have to repeat myself?

 

Have you ever felt your internal temperature start to rise and all of your common sense start to go out the the window?

 

I’m a parent, and I have.

 

It’s in these quiet moments of downtime and reflection where we are able to see things more clearly. Today I want to share a snapshot of clarity. I want to share some ideas that have helped me to find more satisfaction and contentment in my parenting. Sound helpful!?

 

It Takes Time

 

First off, try thinking about your child like a seed that you’ve planted in the ground. If we think of parenting like being a farmer it’s helpful for us to remember that seeds don’t sprout overnight.

 

When we find our blood starting to boil perhaps we can find a little bit of comfort in the process knowing that no matter how ticked off we feel + no matter how much we want our child to “get” what we want, it is not going to help that seed sprout or grow any faster than it’s ready to grow. It’s literally like staring at a plant and getting irritable because it hasn’t produced a flower in the time we were looking at it. Now how silly does that feel?

 

I’m not claiming I have a green thumb because trust me I can barely keep a plant alive! But I do know that a plant (+ children) grow and expand in their own time. There really isn’t anything we can do to force it.

 

Take a Step Back

 

For the sake of clarity I’m going to give my parenting self two names. Meet Stevie - the calm centered, happy parent I always “want to be” + meet Eivets. She is the opposite of Stevie. She is the one who loses her patience, gets caught up in the moment, and sometimes FREAKS out.

 

Moving forward with the parenting is like being a farmer who wants to have a flourishing garden.

In my moment of reflection, I ask Eivets questions. I ask, If all of your energy in getting irritable and frustrated with the rate at which your child is growing isn’t going to help her grow stronger faster, then why are you getting so upset?

 

So the logical (+ present) parent in me (Stevie) knows it’s really a waste of energy to get frustrated with my toddlers growth rate. Eivets forgets she’s an intentional parent + likes to parent in the moment, her patience is always being tested + she tells me to go jump in the lake.

 

I think you’re probably understanding the picture I’m painting here + now you’re probably thinking great - I can rationalize the idea of the seed + not being able to force it to grow. Because it’s easy to rationalize something when we’re reading it.

 

But how do I remember not to be Eivets in the moment? Because after all it’s in the moment!

 

Schedule Quiet Time

 

Here’s how I do it. I reflect, reflect, reflect. I have a morning ritual of writing (like I am right now), and I meditate. Sometimes I write for five minutes + sometimes wisdom hits me on the head the writing pours out of me and turns into something bigger that I can really learn from.

 

But Mama friends, you can choose what grounding practice works for you. Is it running, yoga, painting, listening to music?

 

Remember - having a glass of wine is not the same + boy do I love a tall glass of wine! A glass of that velvety red deliciousness does taste AMAZING + it’s way easier than getting quiet and present with yourself. (But by all means if vino is what you’re into, you should treat yourself every now + then.)

 

Our friend red works as a nice distraction but that’s exactly what it is... a nice distraction. Similar to the feeling of winding down and watching tv. Red is soothing to us like eating a nice hot chocolate chip cookie (yum!) but doesn’t really help us reach our parenting goals.

 

The next thing you’re going to say is that you don’t have time + boy do I resonate with that one.

 

Make the Time

 

Between work, being a Mom, Wife, Sister, Daughter + Friend + trying to tend to everything else it can easily feel like there’s not enough time for us.

 

However, my dear Mama friends, if we don’t make a few minutes everyday to take care of ourselves we’re going to find ourselves meeting with Eivets way more than we want.

 

So my final question is - if you don’t have time to do the work to keep yourself a level headed farmer - make time.

 

Because if we don’t make time to tend to things that make life worth living, then what are we all doing this for anyway?

 

Mamas, my loving words to you are this... Keep going, keep going, keep going, you’ve got this! Let’s enjoy the journey more and worry about the destination less.

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